A great question came through the facebook page this week which I thought would be nice to share here:
‘How the f**k do I love myself when I feel such a f*****g failure?’
It’s taken me a fair while to see how important loving yourself is but now I know, I feel it’s the most important teaching I can ever share.
Loving who you are means you feel confident standing up and showing the world the real you. You know you might get some rejection for this, but you also know that being so open allows others who share your vision the chance to find you because you become aligned with them. Being supported means you have the chance to grow and take risks, and the love others have for you brings a sense of acceptance and belonging, something we all crave.
But to get all that you have to feel happy with who you are and what you want and until you find this self acceptance, there’s a fair chance there will always be something missing from your life. You might spend a lifetime seeking happiness and living on the outside of the laughter because you don’t quite fit in despite having all the outward signs of success and a bit of a community around you.
Plenty of people suffer from not really liking who they are. We spend so long trying to please parents and teachers, fit in with louder, bossier friends, be the perfect worker bee for our boss and be the perfect romantic partner that it’s super easy to spend 30 years trying to be liked and changing our act for every different situation. Then we look around after a time and realise we don’t fit anywhere and don’t really know what we want anymore. It’s no wonder that life ends up sweeping us away until we’re detached from what was meant for us.
So what can you do today to work on finding *you* again so you can fall in love with the person you were born to be?
Well, as with everything else, gratitude will serve you! Get into the habit of checking in with yourself several times a day and giving thanks for everything you have achieved. Perhaps you have completed a task particularly well or perhaps you’ve calmed a situation with your children without resorting to shouting. Perhaps you’ve just read a book and need to appreciate how hard you’ve worked to become educated. We take all of these little wins each day for granted and then call ourselves useless! Honestly…. If you do nothing all day your body is still working flat out, so give thanks for how well it is working to house your soul! If you screw up you still tried! Give yourself praise for having a go! Tell yourself well done and accept a bit of encouragement!
Self gratitude and positive self talk takes a bit of getting used to and I know you’ll spend a while resisting or feeling silly as you talk to yourself, but by practising these skills often it will become more normal to appreciate yourself, look after yourself, and want the best for yourself. And once you’re in that positive state, your guidance can kick in and put you back on the right path.
If you are struggling to like yourself, this practise is a really good place to start, and now is when you should do your first check in. What do you love about yourself right now? The earning power you have which has allowed you to buy the screen you’re reading this post on? Your eyes for allowing you to see? Your health? Your skill at finding shelter and a place to live so you can scroll the Internet safely? You choose your excellence to celebrate!
If you can’t think of anything, celebrate your determination because you’re still seeking answers and the opportunity to feel better.
What amazing things have you done today that deserve a bit of recognition?
Get into the routine of standing in front of a mirror and appreciating yourself every time you spot your reflection because mastering self acceptance and love is THE biggest ticket you can give yourself to happiness, peace, and contentment. Without self love, no amount of attention from others or money in your pocket is going to drown that little voice that tells you you’re not good enough.
So celebrate you and do it often! You won’t see change overnight, but it will creep up on you if you allow it. As you become more comfortable in your skin, you’ll attract people who see the beauty in you and people who want to learn and grow with you. You’ll start to see where you belong, and you’ll find yourself brave enough to chase your passions and show up for your dreams because the confusion starts fading until it’s replaced with desire.
Self love can be a long journey, but it’s one that’s definitely worth taking.
Never look at yourself as a failure – you’re not of course, you’re simply lost and need a bit of a nudge in the right direction!
How much do you love you? Today is the day to get that loving feeling back and I challenge you to get started right this minute! You know what to do now – just practise getting appreciative!
I look forward to knowing how you get on!
Today could be the start of a beautiful relationship with self and if you’d like to explore this topic further, Mirror Work: 21 Days to Heal Your Life is a wonderful read. 🙂
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